Outgoing introvert, reserved, loving and a joy to be around
yet she is cynical and cold. She is cold in the sense that she is heartless,
yet full of compassion and very empathetic. She is safe in her own perfect
little world but apparently, she has to snap out of it. Problem is, each time
she comes out of hiding, someone or some people just burst her bubble. The only
thing that really keeps her going is God and his reassurance of his love for
her. She wants to withdraw from the real world. It hurts, it sucks and it is
not funny. Three years later, she is still mourning the death of her best
friend. There is only one person who is kind of a passing shadow of her late
friend but she feels it is not fair to them. When she reads books, she ain't got no one to discuss them with and she ain't got anyone to joke around with
classic jokes….
Death has robbed me. Today I still cry. I still find it hard
to accept. Sometimes I wake up and wish it were a dream. I could not believe
the fact that her number was to be off forever. I could not accept the fact
that I will never see her smile again. It is hard to believe that she will not
be at my gate calling out to me. It is hard to accept the fact that she is gone
for good. Six feet under. I try so hard to fit in but it does not work. My
little hiding place is much better than it all. It is hard to go on. It is hard
to accept it. Three years later,…it still hurts as if it were yesterday. We
have been best friends since I was in kindergarten and she was in primary
school…dear God, why? Why is it getting to me now? Why?
It took three weeks of tears and sadness to finally accept
that my dear friend is gone for good and never coming back. It took tears and
bravery. If there were to be something or someone to spoil this sanguine moment
of realization, they would not be forgiven.
All i have left is memories...the fun we shared.
I learned that even though people pass on, life does not stop. It continues because you have to continue living yours.
I am an avid reader but i had to stop reading...(thank goodness i have started again after closure). It became a painful exercise because the two man reading club became a solo reading club and it was crap. Everything i did reminded me of her, everywhere i went, but as they say, time heals all wounds, it does really but first you have to be broken in order to be molded You need to hurt so bad in order to heal. The pain is really worth if you allow yourself to heal....I did that and i am getting there. It's a journey of a thousand miles that has to be started with a single step forward.
Later...
