In my obscurity, I seek for security.
It ain’t what it used to be and I cannot go back to the us
we used to be.
I don’t know if you remember, but I remember. I remember the
sleepless nights, the words said and not said. I remember the walks taken and
not taken.
I remember the journey to oblivion, but not the way back, because, I
am still there. I remember the laughter. The tears. The fear. The wait with
trepidation as I trod carefully as if of thin ice, just so I do not offend you.
I remember the secret screams that I never voiced, screaming for freedom.
I
remember the eyes staring daggers, and gosh, need I tell you that if looks
could kill, I’d be six feet under, but then they do not kill. They just disturb
your psyche especially if you pay too much attention to them.
No going back. I can almost hear your heart breaking. Mine
is shattered in pieces. They say, you were a part of my world, the heck you
still are…. just from a different angle. Just from a different dimension. I
lost you the day I died. The day I got lost in oblivion, I ceased to be the one
you could call. I ceased to be the one you could talk to. I love you too much
to lie to you. I told you my truth. I wore my heart on my sleeve like a little
fool. Who would have thought it would come to this? It is crazy, I know. Crazy used to be my middle name before I died.
I am not here anymore. I am here but not in the capacity you
used to now. I am but a figment of imagination. A fragment of memory and a
voice faraway in your dreams that used to be. In your reconnaissance, you
missed the vitality of soul. You missed your cue to stop. You prodded every
nook and nuked my niche. It could say it is alright, but it is not alright. It
was ok, but not anymore. I want freedom from fear. I want freedom from obscurity.
I do not want security. I just want to grow. Moving on is what I have to do
because you are my rope, tightened me tighter and tighter, I can no longer
move. I gave you that right, and I have now revoked them all.
You lost the
privileges.
