If Only It were That Simple

Sometimes when i don't try is not because i am afraid of losing.

 It is not because i am afraid of not making it, but i am scared of what could happen if i made it. 

What would happen if i just grew up? It means i would have to put my ducks in a row and clean up my act.

 It means i would have to become responsible and take it like a man. sighs. It would mean i have to take responsible for my actions.
 It means i would have to think on my two feet, to get up when life knocks me down. 
It means accepting that i cannot grow in my comfort zone and i would have to step out in order to expand. I recently heard that captive sharks can only grow up to the size of their tank. 
It is quite obvious that the audience is interested in results and not In how you intend to get the results. The audience is interested in the play and not the rehearsal or script organization. 

Why am i not acting my age? Because they would think, i think i am too grown up. 
Why am i not keeping my word? Because they would call me "holier than thou" even though deep down i believe i am more screwed up than everyone i know, which gets worse when i try to explain my actions because they would think i am judging them. 
Why am i wearing clothes i hate, listening to music i would rather not, watching everything on vampires and walking with a limp just to be on the crew? Because they would think i am lame and i have no game.
Why do i disregard the rules in a crowd and keep to them when alone? Yup, you guessed it right. They said the rules are made to be broken. 

To not be is hard. I have to wake up and just be. I have to grow up and take responsibility for my actions. 
I have to stop lip service and do what makes me happy. I want to be happy; who knows, maybe, constant happiness would transform into joy and then, i would live happily ever after (but life is not a fairy tale).
I don't always win, but that does not mean that i ought not to try.  
I will surely land among the stars aiming for the moon.
 I may not always get it right, but if i keep at it, i will become your go-to person. 
I may not be highly opinionated but i know that i can sleep at night without having to worry about what they might think.
 I may have reason to flare up, puff up, avenge, hate and judge, but guess what, I don't have the right.  I am not perfect, neither do i claim to be. I am just a little girl, a little boy, who is scared of the dark, but still steps out to cross over, because home is across that dark forest. 
I know that i do not owe you an explanation.
 I know that it is about how i have impacted someone with my life and not how many years i have had fulfilling all their whims and oscillating between their every beck and call.
I know it is about having self-respect, even if it were the last thing i would ever have or do,  and just do something right just because it is right in its own right.

It is not simple. It is a process. It is a journey, so i am just going to buckle up, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride.
The difference between diamond and graphite, is the heat they have been exposed to. I am just a diamond in the rough, taking deliberate steps towards the finishing furnace for purification.

Congratulations to me, I just realized that it doesn't all have to be so complicated.

Redefining Yourself

So, I am not perfect.
I do not claim to be perfect and sometimes i think i am the meanest person i know.
 However, as a human being, I learned that just because you feel it, you don't have to express it. Just because you feel like it, you don't have to. Just because the majority are doesn't mean you have to be too. Sometimes my mind is cloudy, emotions wild and mood swinging to and fro. I would take offense at a fly buzzing. NK. (not kidding).
So, certain circumstances have inspired me to write about redefining yourself. It begins and ends with attitude. Many a times, the reactions we get are a reflection of one's attitude.
How do you approach people? How do you respond to them? Do you make them responsible for things they have no hand in? Do you take out your frustrations on innocent people? Many fallouts and various relational problems result from misplaced anger. The bible says, in your anger to do not sin  and also that for as long as it depends on you, you should try to live in peace with everyone. If you are a Christian, a born-again, tongue speaking, spirit filled individual, then you are obliged to live by example all the more. Many times i am tempted to react instead of respond, and i got to admit that sometimes i actually react instead of responding. Nothing good comes out of reacting. It is like pouring oil upon a fire.
 Someone once said,wisdom is not knowing when to speak, but when to not speak. I add, it is knowing when to respond. It is knowing when not to react, especially when you are overly provoked and agitated, such that you will regret what would come out of your mouth should you open it.

So, in redefining yourself, you want to begin with attitude. It hurts. It's not fair, but that is how you grow.

I am on the journey of redefining myself too... Be the change you want to see and remember, a better state begins with you because it takes two to tango.

Till next time ....

Whatever you do, pay attention. .....if inattentive

You are lost in the maze of activity.

You are so busy that you can't even find time to think about anything through.

You are  are covering mileage but truth be told you are not going anywhere.

You are suffering from the treadmill syndrome. So much activity. So much hustling and bustling but, there is no finished product to show for all the hard work and resources that you have expended.

It is alright to be moving.

What is the worst that could happen ?

If you do not stop to read the signs,  you hitch the wrong train.